Saying 'No' Can Be a Very Positive Thing. However, in our culture, it has become a very difficult thing to do.

A salesperson can achieve a record number of sales and be honored as 'employee of the month' by expanding his work hours at the expense of other important commitments, such as those to his family, faith community and friends. His public commendation by company 'higher-ups' triggers the attention of other members of the sales force. They, in turn, adopt the practice of expanding their working hours to match this new standard of performance. To say 'no' to the new expectation of 'productivity at all costs' becomes increasingly difficult.

In child development studies, research has shown that saying 'no' is a natural part of establishing the boundaries of one's sense of 'self'. When the child is refusing to take something outside into its interior world, he or she is affirming their individual identity. The child is saying, "This is not me." "I don't want this." "I don't feel like doing this." Parents need to work with this developing self-concept, affirming the child's personhood, while at the same time helping the child understand that right decisions are not made only on the basis of one's feelings or wants. An appeal is made to the wisdom that comes from above.

The process of individuation in which a child separates from any prolonged dependence upon a parent, and, as it grows older, is able to distinguish him or herself from the rest of their peer group, gives rise to a healthy understanding of one's own personal accountability before God.

Psychologists are aware of the inner compulsions and desires that drive us from within. In past decades, misguided counsel was given to cast off all restraint: 'Don't be repressed.' 'Don't squelch your desires- whether they be sexual, acquisitive or ambitious.' 'Self-control' was demonized and 'lust' deified. Yesterday's vice became the contemporary virtue. Such folly led to a costly downfall, a self-indulgent society driven by greed, and a dearth of trustworthy leadership. Undeveloped and sick 'selves' still roam the social landscape ready to say 'yes' to every trick that promises fulfillment.

Campaigns to teach kids to say 'no' to drugs often fail unless the child has been able to proceed to adequately define themselves. To become 'inner directed' through a Biblically informed 'sense of self' and a spiritually empowered will, can separate us from what sociologist David Reisman called 'The Lonely Crowd', where we are at the mercy of the unruly winds and tides of internal and external pressure.

We must learn also how to say 'no' to both the internal and external tricks if we are to grow in our sense of personhood. The nobility of our humanity shines when we are able to say 'no' to selfish compulsions in order to say 'yes' to doing that which honors God and promotes good in society.

It is ironic that such a positive thing as our healthy self-development should grow out of our capacity to be negative. By saying 'no' to lies, we are saying 'yes' to cultivating an atmosphere for truth. By saying 'no' to the trivial, we can say 'yes' to the important. By saying no to ungodliness, we can be saying 'yes' to God. In saying yes to God we are saying 'yes' to Life.