Anyone who has tended a 'bittersweet' plant knows that, in spite of its attractive red and orange berries, it is a killer that easily takes over its surroundings. Its underground root system strategically emerges to choke and strangle neighboring trees and bushes. The birds of the air are fond of its seasonal berries and carry them to distant locations where fresh 'roots of bitterness' can be planted in unsuspecting territory. One cannot control where they will land.

When we first moved to our home on the edge of the woods surrounding Walden Pond, we discovered that the previous owner had some of these attractive bittersweet plants on the border of the property. Due to years of neglect, they were out of control, and were now weaving vines and wrapping themselves around trees and bushes in life-threatening embraces. In the autumn the berries turned a magnificent orange. The attractive bittersweet however was working underground and threatening to strangle other trees and bushes in the neighborhood. It is too high a price to pay for some colorful berries.

There is a warning in the Book of Hebrews, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15 NIV).

Bitterness is what we feel when we have perceived, rightly or wrongly, that others have sinned against us. It is a form of anger gone sour. It goes underground and develops a bitter-root system. That root system corrupts inwardly and outwardly. It can strangle the person's inner health resulting in ulcers, high blood pressure, strokes, and causes other complications. It can emerge outwardly in rage, gossip, slander, vindictiveness, competitiveness and many forms of malice. Bitterness results when personal hurts are nursed into resentments. Resentments, in turn, are rehearsed until they become 'a case load of charges'. Unless they are dispersed they will burst! The burst of bitterness damages our relationship with God, with ourselves, and with others.

How is bitterness dispersed? First, drop the charges. This is a 'must' if you are to maintain the garden of your heart. Paul writes "Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32). The issue of forgiveness precedes reconciliation. Over and over again Jesus commands forgiveness. If we fail to forgive others we have failed to grasp the grace of God that has provided for our forgiveness. The Bible says that we have no right to hold on to bitterness. God forgives us unconditionally. Christ met all the demands for sin's punishment on the Cross.

Once I was deeply wounded by a co-worker. I said, "Lord, I forgive them but I will never work with them again." I sensed the Lord respond immediately, "What if I said that to you?" I was immediately convicted of my failure to grasp the grace of God.

Secondly, take steps of relational integrity. If you can overlook the wrongdoings, with no residual emotions, fine. Many perceived wrongs are petty and in the light of how God deals with our imperfections, it only follows that we should be willing to overlook imperfections in others. "Love covers a multitude of sins" (1Peter 4:8). "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." (Proverbs 19:11).

Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:25) and do what you can to promote reconciliation. Go to the person if you can. Whether you believe you have wronged them (Matthew 5:25) or they have wronged you (Matthew 18:15), do what you can to promote the healing of the relationship by offering and receiving forgiveness. Attack problems not people. Remember reconciliation is not a condition for forgiveness. Reconciliation is not guaranteed and takes time. With God, forgiveness is offered on the basis of redemptive truth. It is offered immediately and unconditionally.

"Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look after one another, to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God's grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment, rancor, bitterness or hatred shoot forth and cause trouble and bitter torment, and many become contaminated and defiled by it." (Hebrews 12:15 The Amplified Bible).

Yours in His care,