#2 - How Not to Sabotage a Relationship

The Book of Proverbs contains numerous practical nuggets of wisdom. A proverb a day can keep many troubles away. Within this collection of short rhyming couplets (distichs) and quatrains, we have a treasury of insights on what is true, right and lasting. Each proverb is an encapsulation of the mind of God on how we are to conduct ourselves in life. Together they unveil some vital principles and parameters for wise conduct. These short and memorable statements were intended to be passed on from generation to generation so God's people would know how to conduct themselves in the family relationships, courtship, marriage, business, friendships, community life and the service of God.

Through the Book of Proverbs we are taught how not to sabotage human relationships through foolish and irresponsible behavior.

1. DON'T THINK THAT ALL OF YOUR NEEDS FOR LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT, COUNSEL, AND SELF ESTEEM WILL BE MET THROUGH A RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE SINGLE HUMAN BEING.

You may have a loving spouse and some faithful friends, but ultimately they will not give you all the encouragement or criticism you need. Proverbs teaches us that it is a gift of God to have an understanding spouse (Proverbs 19:22; 18:22), a soul-mate friend (Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 27:6, 9, 17), the counsel of the wise (Proverbs 13:20, 11:14, 15:22; 14:6) and parents who invest in your well being (Proverbs 13:22,24, 19:18; 22:6). But they cannot possibly be there for you all the time. Neither do they have the full benefit of knowing you so intimately as to be able to recognize your every thought and move. Only One knows us so deeply. God knows everything about us, and yet He still loves us (Psalm 139:1-16)! He is the only person who can complete us. Only He can satisfy our inner thirst for fulfillment. In Christ we are made complete (Colossians 2:10). Those looking for completion outside of Christ often fall into various obsessive and addictive behaviors.

2. DON'T TRY TO REPAIR PAST HURTS IN PRESENT RELATIONSHIPS.

Many people fall into repetitive patterns of destructive behavior that sabotage their potential for successful relationships (Proverbs 26:11). They forfeit the privilege of being led by Wisdom and succumb to being led by their natural attractions, ambitions, appetites or greed. They fall into various syndromes of reaction in which they repeatedly feel threatened, temperamental, insecure or rejected. They often choose to cope with these feelings by acting in ways that undermine the stability of their present relationships. As unsuccessful as these coping mechanisms are, they are blinded by their past pains to their present irresponsibility. They never unload their baggage of unresolved anger and hurt. These become a part of the furniture in each new relationship. They are constant reference points that trigger our various 'fight or flight' defenses. "He reminds me of my father." "She is acting like my old girlfriend before she rejected me." "This is how they treated me in my old job." Resolve all conflicts as soon as possible (Matthew 18:15; Matthew 5: 24; Galatians 6:1). Drop the case load by forgiving people of the pain they have caused you in the past. Observe the patterns of relationships in your life. Do you avoid taking responsibility for your own reactions by passing blame or succumbing to depression? Don't expect to work out your conflicts with your father or mother, with your spouse or your present employer. The Bible teaches that we should do all that we can to walk in peace with all people (Hebrews 12:14). The word 'Peace' means that harmony has been restored where there once was discord. We can only do that if we aggressively deal with conflicts, anger, and relational hurts.

3. FIND SOMETHING YOU LIKE ABOUT EVERYBODY.

After all, Jesus said, "Love your enemies." It is much easier to do so when you see them as people who matter to God and for whom Jesus Christ died.

(To be continued...)