#3 - How Not to Sabotage a Relationship (Part 2)

(continued from last week)

HOW NOT TO SABOTAGE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS

Good inter-personal relationships are fundamental for successful living, yet we assume that they will automatically come our way. Little do we realize how our own human depravity and poor social programming have jeopardized our potential to establish and maintain healthy relationships.

The Book of Proverbs contains these further wise observations that can keep us from sabotaging human relationships with foolish and irresponsible behavior: (See last week’s message for the first three).

4. BE SELECTIVE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

"A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." (Proverbs 12:26 NIV). "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." (Proverbs 13:20 NIV). Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." (1Corinthians 15:33 NIV). "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2Corinthians 6:14 NIV). Be mindful that it is far easier to be pulled down than to pull another up.

5. REMEMBER THAT EVERY WORD AND DEED EITHER BUILDS OR ERODES TRUST.

Jonathan and David made a friendship covenant that they would love each other with the love of God. In this instance Jonathan actually fulfilled what Jesus said was the second greatest commandment: "Love thy neighbor as thyself." (Matthew 22:39). "And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself." (1Samuel 18:2-3 NIV). We may not have formal written covenants in all our relationships, but we are either building or destroying the potential of having the 'spirit of covenant' in our relationships by every initiative we make. When I keep my word and fulfill what I have promised to another I am building trust. If I continually fail to keep my word, I am eroding trust. Every fulfilled promise in a relationship becomes a step of covenant. Strong covenant relationships are built when many significant steps of covenant are taken.

6. COMMIT TO PERSONAL PURITY.

Our sexuality is a sacred gift. "Let your manhood be a blessing." (Proverbs 5:18 Living Bible) It is possible to develop our sexuality without resorting to sexual impurity. Jesus of Nazareth was God incarnate, the Word made flesh. He was a man in every sense of the word and never compromised His manhood. All of the attributes of His manhood were perfectly in tact and functioning. His sexuality was fully surrendered to God. He did not live to please Himself, but to please the Father (Romans 15:3; John 8:29). And in pleasing the Father He found His fullness of pleasure (Psalm 16:11; Hebrews 12:2). He was a man for God, courageous, strong, tender, compassionate, ready to risk, bold in word and self-sacrificing in deed. He was full of creative potency. In His single-hearted devotion, He consecrated His sexuality to God. He submitted to God’s will, which in His case was to remain single. He was tempted at every point where we are tempted, yet He did not yield to sin (Hebrews 4:15). Because He was secure in who He was, He never resorted to irresponsible behavior in trying to prove His manhood.

The Bible celebrates marital love and encourages sexual expression in the context of a holy covenant of hetero-sexual marriage (Proverbs 18:22; Hebrews 13:4; 1Corinthians 7:2-5, Song of Solomon 1-8; Matthew 19:4). Both singleness and marriage are to be received as gifts (1Corinthians 7:7). The Bible extols the virtue of chastity and condemns premarital and extramarital sexual activity (1Corinthians 6:9,18). Clear boundaries are drawn. We are to be renewed in the attitudes of our mind and think purely (Ephesians 4:23; Romans 12:2; Philippians 4:8). Too many people think they are 'making love' when they are just 'faking love'. They are lying to themselves and to their partners. They are undermining their potential for true fulfillment in a covenant relationship. Sexual embraces, deceitful kisses and petting are clearly 'off limits' outside of marriage (Proverbs 5). In this ancient passage the writer even warns of the scourge of the sexually transmitted diseases that are epidemic today (v.11- the literal translation is 'destroyed with disease') and the moans of deep regret.

Sexual sins can be forgiven (1Corinthians 6:9-10; 1John 1:9,7; John 1:29). But think of how they sabotage relationships and desecrate the gifts that God has given. The price of sin is too high. To avoid it, practice good spiritual hygiene. Fill your heart and mind with that which is good and true.

(To be continued...)