"There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden." (Proverbs 30:18-19 NIV)

All four are distinctively marvelous as they take their natural courses: The eagle in relationship to the sky, the snake in relationship to the rock, the ship in relationship to the high seas, and the man in relationship to a maiden. Each one is designed for the 'way' in which it has been assigned.

What is common among the first three is that, as they take their particular courses, they become invisible to the natural eye. The eagle soars rapidly to such a height that it seemingly disappears in the sky. The snake seems to disappear on the rock as it remains absolutely still. Its reptilian skin provides an effective camouflage as it mysteriously blends in with the natural background colors of its environment. The mighty ship, so large as it sits in port, becomes a tiny speck and vanishes altogether as it sails beyond the horizon. The ways of the eagle, snake, and ship are observable up to a point. They test the limits of our natural perception, our sense knowledge. There are many things about a man's way in relationship to a woman that are not discernible by natural observation, such as the motives of the heart.

The ways of the first three, the eagle, the snake and the ship, become untraceable. The eagle leaves no scent or footprint as it takes to the air. The snake when it is on the sand can be tracked, but on the rock it leaves no clues of its presence, not the slimy residue of a worm, not a footprint or feather. So the ship, though it cuts a furrow and briefly leaves a wake as it passes through the sea, they are quickly erased by the ever-undulating blanket of water so that its pathway cannot be found. Each of these hide their tracks and can pose a danger or threat: an eagle can suddenly swoop down upon its unsuspecting living prey, often decapitating its subjects with one blow. The snake can suddenly strike and swallow its victim, taking it by total surprise. Pirates can attack by ship and you know not where they came from or where they intend to strike next.

The relationship of a man with a woman can have all the trappings of a full blown romance, yet the motives of the heart remain indiscernible. Deceptive agendas and subtle power-plays can devastate the unsuspecting participants.

The man can play the role of seducer and see the maiden as his to conquer. As instinctive as she may be, a woman should not trust her own purity, her own strength, or her own resolutions, or allow herself to be in a compromised or unprotected situations. It is estimated that every 9 seconds there is a case of violent act perpetrated upon women in this country alone.

The dangers work both ways. The eagle can fall from the sky, the serpent be dashed by a rock, the ship be swallowed by the sea and a man be deceived by a maiden. All relationships requires some 'smarts' (survival skills). 'Street smarts' are needed if we are to survive in the cut-throat, dog-eat-dog world of business competition. As one writer said, we must learn how to 'swim with the sharks without getting eaten alive'. When it comes to personal relationships, we need 'love smarts', principles and parameters from God's Word that will protect us from getting burned.

Here are a few:

1. Look beyond the surface. "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is  fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30 NIV). Physical attraction may provoke our interest but it is insufficient to keep love going. Many get married for reasons that matter less and less as time goes on. Pray for discernment and think ahead.
2. Be sure you have a shared purpose and common vision. "Where there is no vision (revelation of God's purpose), the people perish (go to pieces, are disunified, and cast off restraint)" (Proverbs 29:18). Why wait until it is too late to discover whether you are equally yoked? Do not be yoked with one who refuses the yoke of Christ (2Corinthians 6:14). The Japanese have a proverb to describe the woes of an unhappy marriage: "Same bed, different dream."
3. Do not be led by your feelings. Feelings were never meant to be an indicator of truth. They can bring passion to our thoughts and serve as a springboard for our will, but we must keep our emotions subject to divine affections. Affections are voluntary value responses.

We choose to respond to what is valuable to us. Divine affections refer to valuing what is esteemed as precious in God's sight. Get to learn what God values. Love what He loves and divine affections will grow in you to become the stimulus for your emotions. Be a thermostat, setting the temperature of your relationships, rather than a thermometer, merely reporting back your temporal emotional state. Learn to live above the ebb and flow of your emotions by setting your affections on things that matter most in the long run (See Colossians 3:1-3).

Love well and love wisely.